My sister-in-law Karen died this year. She had had a rare form of cancer. She fought it valiantly for some time, but her body just got tired.
She was married, with three adult children – two with special needs. She had a supportive husband. She worked as a neonatal nurse.
We weren’t close but we did have some pivotal moments. When Marg and I first dated, we went out for a year and then broke up. When I showed up to see Marg again, a year later, Karen was understandably protective of her older sister. She was suspicious of my intentions, and she watched me carefully, for a long time.
But I won her over, and Karen was a bridesmaid at our wedding. In my toast to the bridesmaids I said, “In Marg’s house, it was not her father who carried the shotgun.” Karen stood up and shouted, “I did not!”
But she did carry the shotgun. She looked out for people.
When Marg was pregnant with our first child, Robert, I got sick: I had to have thyroid surgery. On the day before my surgery I was already in hospital when Marg went into premature labour and was admitted to another hospital. Nobody told me at first: they wanted me to rest before my surgery. The next morning – the day of my operation – they told me.
I called Karen.
When I woke up after my surgery, I saw Karen sitting at the foot of my bed. “Marg’s okay,” she said. Then she went back to Marg’s hospital, and told her that I was okay.
I have mentioned the shower at home that I have been working on. Marg charitably told me recently that she is sure that I have only been working on it for a year or so. But when I go through my records I see that it was “in progress” as far back as March 2022. How long does it take a normal person to renovate a bathroom?
In my defence, I have a number of handicaps. One is that I am a perfectionist. Another is that I have difficulty asking for help. A third is that I think I have all the time in the world.
Karen helped me with that third handicap. When she got sick on what was to be the last time, her normally reticent husband called us to ask for help. We went down to see them immediately. We stayed.
She was well enough to talk to. I reminded her of our wedding. She started crying, and apologized for being so difficult. I praised her for taking care of her family. I thanked her for taking care of me.
She passed peacefully on June 8th.
I went home and started working on my bathroom. I finished it yesterday.